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Tank Girls – StofSkop 2017


“What does this tap thingy do???”

Inappropriate Road Bike class

Skinny and Chikita were both entered in this class.  Chikita on her BMX and Skinny on Dapple – the horse that won the race in 2016.  But Dapple has had a roskam from Phil at Paint-a-Bike, and a new saddle from Dion Korkie.  Biker’s Warehouse also sorted out the gears – there’s three, they all work, they are just not where you think they should be!  He’s also done some practise laps around the farm and was neighing to get out in the field.

The Cat, “Here she is, the Super Luxurious Omnidirectional Whatchamajigger… or S-L-O-W for short.  It’s better than the last thing we had: Super Hydraulic Instantaneous Transporter.”

This be Noddy.  Noddy needed all the help he could get.  Be like Noddy!

Ponch was ready to catch a criminal!

I sneakily took some magic muti behind the rafters…

“Muti! Muti! Muti voor my inry nie!”

Fu$%king-Conrad tried to explain to me that the little tank below the seat is actually where you gooi the two-stroke-oil in, but we already had some in the petrol! This is what you call a superduperDOUBLEStofStroke!

Speedway:

Travelling hours to entertain people I don’t know while wasting money I don’t have in order to spend the next four days fixing something that wasn’t my fault so I can do it all again the following weekend.

The time had come…

We lined up on the starting grid.

“Comrade – you Gupta the one on the right and I’ll tender the one on the left, OK?”

The race started like all races – with a BANG!

This year the contenders were SERIOUS! Some of them actually had kneeguards on…

Even though I had three FULL WORKING gears this year to play with, I was still flanking the rear.

Dewald took the inside line and Oom-66 decided to burm on the dry outside. Everybody else just tried not to fall over.

…and then there was Skinny

Noddy was flying!!!

Literally…

He came down on the second corner. Calm down – calm down!!! That is NOD-his head!

Chikita showed us some of her pole-dancing skills, sliding and slithering with a kick in the air for entertainment.

I was starting to get wrist cramps as I wedged myself between Leroy & Lloyd. Two down, six to go!

No wait… make that FOUR to go! Hehehehehehe!!!

Head down – knees in – arms tucked – shower on FULL BLAST!

But the power of this 120cc beast was just too much for Dapple to handle. My back wheel went into full lock and I skidded to a dust cloud infused halt.

The reigns (aka chains) came off and koeked around the sprocket.

The work of the sangomas, I tell you!

The blue-light-brigade pulled in and escorted me off the track to safety.

TO THE TJOP SHOP!!!

Kyle Harvey from Kyle’s Customs & Classics had all the good spanners and twisty thingies to pop the chain back on.

“She calls this a spanner…”

It’s as bent as our politics… yet, it still runs!

All stitched up and ready for more speed. The racing continued, the dust kept swirling and the next engine capacity was waiting ongeduldig in the pits.

Plastic Pigs class

Anything MX, anything pantsered in plastic, anything with gnarling-gnobbly tyres.

Savannah#77 was gonna show the boys a thing or two.

(Keep an eye on this chicken – she’s still gonna go big in the universe of racing)

This was the serious class.

They were very somber…

And on the 8th day, God looked down on the rich, dark, dirt oval and said, “This track needs a grandstand full of clapping, cheering fans, watching in awe as fearless contenders fly down the straightaways, slinging mud as they slide through the corners while battling on the thin line between triumph and disaster, all in the quest for victory.” So, God made a racer.

Their race got delayed…

…cause Zoé first had to hang out some laundry.

The spectators could only see a haze of movement as the dust hung thick over the oval.

The raging savage Hulk was feeling particularly emotional that day.

…and detonated a HULK SMASH on an unsuspecting sprinter.

Iron Man’s skill at quantum mechanics made his death defying moves invisible to the human eye.

Captain America (being the only mortal) decided to hang back and save his potential for the social activities at the end of day.

…nobody even noticed the Wasp

The suited lawyer decided to put in a land claim…

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